Saturday, June 19, 2010


I feel terribly guilty that I haven't had anything new to post for so long.  I have been in the midst of an awful bipolar depressive episode and my muse has left me.  My therapist teaches me CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), and one technique is opposite emotions.  Whatever emotion you are feeling, go out of your way to practice the opposite to try to balance back out.  So she has given me an assignment that I MUST bead something, and she suggests something "powerful" or "empowering".  I'm completely idea-less and have no clue as to what to bead to depict that.  I want to do a bracelet or a pin, I know that much.  But aside from that I've got no idea.

My oldest son, Tyler, is starving to death again...still.  So last night I went grocery shopping for him and will be driving a car load of food across town for him.  He only has a teeny tiny (VERY teeny tiny) fridge in his bedroom, so I'm afraid I bought more than it will hold.  I mostly bought packaged goods that don't need a refridgerator like mac and cheese, flavored rices, ramen, tuna, etc.  But eggs were on sale for 59 cents a dozen and I couldn't pass that up so I bought two.  And I bought two half gallons of milk for $1.  Hot dogs were also on sale for $1, so I bought two of those.  Of course all those packaged things take butter, so I bought 4 packages of Blue Bonnet (the best for cooking!).  So I'm afraid it all won't fit.  Maybe his gf's mom will be nice enough to let him put the milk in her fridge...and NOT let anyone else drink it! 

Then I was thinking.  I've got some money from my pattern sales saved up.  Maybe I should find a bead store on that side of town that I have never been to before and treat myself to a trip.  That might get my juices flowing again.  I'll have my younger ones with me, and I know they will HATE that idea.  lol.  But I'm a quick shopper.  I can be in and out in a few minutes.  I know pretty quickly if something appeals to me or not.  Ever since my mental illnesses took over a couple years ago one thing that has changed about me is that I detest shopping.  ugh.  Can't stand it.  I want in...and I want out.  So I'll see if I can find any stores in the general area and then go from there.  If I buy anything today, I'll be sure to post it.  If I buy it just because I like it, I may ask for some ideas as to what to do with it.  If I actually come up with something, I'll let you know that too.  Hopefully I'll find something.  I really need to bead again.

Hope everyone is having a happy weekend!


Carol Creech said...

Hi Lisa,

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Maybe some improvisational beading is in order just to get you started?

When I see 'powerful', I think of animals - in particular bison. Yes, I realize I'm slightly obsessed with bison since we have a herd nearby and my kids love to go see them. :) But they are big, powerful animals who hunker down and ride out the storm. Or maybe think of an animal or piece of nature that has inspired you before? Take some of the associated colors and just see what you come up with. I know that whatever you do, it will be beautiful. You do amazing work!

Carol said...

Hi Lisa
I know exactly what you are going through. My daughter and grandson both suffer with bi-polar.

You should bead something that is your symbol of power. For me that is always the sun. Not so much power for me, but hope in knowing that whatever is wrong will pass.

What is YOUR symbol of hope?

Bellesanbeaus said...

Miss Lisa...I too am so sorry you are going thru such a ruff period right now. Your such a good mom to go to Tyler's aid! I will keep an eye open for our muses..they must be off playing somewhere together! Hope you find a nice beading store and all kinds of pretties!! Talk to ya later...big hugs Beth

robin michelle said...

Lisa, I'm sorry things are hard for you right now. I've been through episodes of major depression and I know how difficult it can be to do anything. It's wonderful that you're making yourself do things. I'm thinking positive, good beady thoughts for you!

My daughter found a book at the library called The Crafter's Devotional by Barbara Call. It's a 365 day book of ideas for creativity. Something like that might help in opening up ideas for you.

I think I should move to AZ - your grocery prices sound cheaper than here!

beadbabe49 said...

Just coming out of a depression myself, so I have some idea of just how difficult it is to pick up that needle and thread and put some beads down on fabric....for me a compelling centerpiece (shell, metal, glass, MOP, whatever) can get me started and then I commit myself to 10 minutes a day (which usually leads to more, although not always)...hugs to you and I hope you can find that special something to get you going!

Robbie said...

I was inspired just reading all the comments! Hope you get inspired again, Lisa. We love seeing your work! You inspire us!